Well hey there!
I spent most of yesterday recovering from my epic birthday night, in alternating states of hydrating and sleeping with a single outdoor excursion to my therapist's office. I'm finally pretty much back to normal and WIDE AWAKE, so I thought I may as well do something productive and pick up the bliz-og. It's gunna take a little bit to get back into writing again, but I'm already happy that it's back in my life.
My friends took me to a STRIP CLUB for my birthday! Ohmygosh it was epic. I had somehow managed to go my entire life (well, I guess since I turned 18) without ever having been to a strip club, and it never bothered me, to be honest. I thought they were probably sketchy as fuck and since I'm a flaming liberal feminist at heart, I've also thought of them as degrading to women. So I had mixed reactions when that turned out to be my surprise...but guess what? This sister can admit when she's wrong-shit was off the chain. Thought I'd died and went to heaven! Even sprung for a private lap dance, which was also awe-some.
Of course, the hardest thing about birthdays (for me, anyway) is balancing the desire to have fun and celebrate with staying in the parameters of what is acceptable food and alcohol consumption. Now, what I deem to be acceptable food and alcohol consumption may different from your definition, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that anyone reading this blog's definition is probably different from the average person's. But everyone knows what it's like to overindulge, and most people can empathize with the guilt that can come along with that.
As I touched on in my last post, I've almost entirely eliminated binging and purging from my life, which is something that I never thought I'd be able to say in a million years. As my therapist constantly reminds me, I am still bulimic, but have shifted from SIV to over-exercising as a form of purging. I know that he's right, but I honestly feel so much healthier and better without all the vomiting. I was always sick, my throat always hurt, I felt like I always smelled like throw up, and I spent a really disproportional amount of my waking hours bent over a toilet. All that and I was still never happy with my weight, I was always hungry or thinking about food or anticipating my next binge.
I don't really "binge" anymore like I used to, where I'd just eat and eat and eat with the sole intention of purging afterward. I sort of just eat the same thing every day, which is boring. However, boring = predictable, and I like knowing how many calories I'm going to have that day, how many grams of fiber, how many grams of protein, etc. It keeps me sane and not running for the junk food isle at Walgreens at 2am. Of course, sometimes I allow something different for special occasions, like my birthday, in which case I try not to super stress and just eat whatever because it's my birthday-just let myself eat a little more than normal.
Like, normally for my birthday dinner I would just lose my shit. I'd think "it's my birthday, I can eat what I want" and then 4 bites into some ridiculous fried appetizer I've already decided I've had too much fat or carbs and that I'm finding a bathroom and purging the whole meal as soon as its over. And that's before the entree or dessert. And suddenly your birthday isn't that fun when you're over a toilet thinking WHY WHY WHY DID I EAT THAT?!?!
This year I took a new approach, which was to stay within the limits of what I would consider acceptable or normal on any other day, but then let myself enjoy a bite or two of an appetizer I might not usually get and a dessert. Sharing is caring!! Sharing saves my life!! I really wanted to try the parmesan spinach dip, but that's something I would normally steer clear of because of all the fat and grease. So, we ordered it (and fuck yes it was covered in grease), and because there were three of us and I still had an entree coming, I was able to just have about 3 bites without feeling guilty or wasteful because my parents each had some, too.
For my entree I just got a salad, which was made of spinach leaves and arugula instead of lettuce, and it had a goat cheese medallion on top with some walnuts and some kind of lemon-butter dressing. Now here, the salad was pretty much OK except for the huge hunk of goat cheese (which is my favorite cheese and oh-so-delicious) and the dressing. Walnuts have a high fat content too, actually, but there were like 5 halves, they weren't worrying me too much. So the cheese is what I wanted the most, but also what was prob the worst, so I immediately cut the medallion in half and set one half on the spinach dip so that it would get taken away. Then I asked for balsamic vinegar to use instead of whatever they gave me (balsamic vinegar = 0 cal), and now I felt fine about enjoying every bite of that half-medallion of goat cheese.
Dessert is the worst, but I really believe that some pre-planning and sharing make all the difference. Oh, ya. I forgot about the pre-planning. Unless the meal out is truly spontaneous for some reason, you can usually look up the menu beforehand for anywhere you're going to end up for a special occasion, and then budget accordingly. This particular restaurant was famous for it's "unique" desserts, like fried brownie wontons and cheesecake spring rolls. Ya, you read that correctly. What I actually wanted was the fried brownie wontons, and I wanted to eat all three of them by myself. But, I know where that road leads...so I compromised and got the cheesecake spring rolls (still totally decadent and ridiculous, but a lot less than the brownie wontons). There were two cheesecake spring rolls, and what I like to do is serve others first so that it both seems like you are being polite but you can only leave yourself the amount you want to eat. This works better for me than everyone just eating with their fork out of the main dish, because you might still end up eating more than you meant to. So, I just cut it all up and gave each of my parents a bigger portion than I left myself, and then I got to enjoy the best 3 bites EVER. Seriously, it was so fucking good it shouldn't be legal.
OK, that's all for now. Just wanted to share my big birthday meal, how I dealt with it without purging, and my strip-club extravaganza. Hopefully some of the tips can be useful to others, even though I know they seem obvious. I've actually read about 3 books about diet and nutrition during my little break, and they've really helped me a lot with how I approach weight loss/fat loss. When I next get the chance I'm gunna go in and change all my numbers, since they are mad old. Also, I can't wait to do a post about workouts/exercise/supplements. Til next time!
LM
Showing posts with label tricks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tricks. Show all posts
Friday, May 27, 2011
Friday, April 9, 2010
Tips and Tricks
I've actually been really hesitant about writing this post. As a person living with an eating disorder, I know that I always appreciate learning new tips and tricks here and there that I may not have thought of, however, I worry that it is a very fine line between sharing ideas with others that already have an ED and possibly encouraging or helping those without one to develop one.
So, I'll just reiterate some of the things I said in my first post. This blog is not PRO Ana or PRO Mia in the sense that I am not trying to glamorize eating disorders or encourage others to develop one. This is not intended for insecure teenagers obsessed with Mary Kate Olsen who want to "lose weight." An ED is NOT a diet. With that being said, I still think that for those of us NOT in recovery, we should be able to talk to each other and share our experiences without worrying about being judged for our actions and attitudes.
OK, I feel a little better about posting these after typing that. Especially because, lets face it, for those of us who have been living with ED...most of this information will not be new. But I always like reading other people's "Tips and Tricks" because every now and then there is something I hadn't thought of. I'll read a list of 25 tips, and I may have known about 24 of them...but learning just that one new one is really cool sometimes.
Drumroll, please...
~Tips and Tricks~
*Always carry sugar free mints and gum to help with hunger pangs and cover bad breath from purging or ketosis
*Cut all your food into as small pieces as you possibly can. Everything, even lettuce. The cutting will keep you focused and aware of how much you put in your mouth, and it will make whatever you are eating last MUCH longer.
*Never pour dressing on salad unless it is zero calorie, just have it on the side and dip your fork into it before grabbing the lettuce, you get the taste without all the extra cals.
*Always try to eat something for breakfast to start up and boost your metabolism, just don't go overboard. I like to keep it between 100-150 cals.
*Drink lots of water and green tea, it helps flush your system and boosts metabolism so you can burn more calories throughout the day.
*Try to drink everything ICE COLD, your system has to work harder to burn the calories
*When you are bingeing, try to start with something healthy and very recognizable, that way if it gets absorbed its not the worst food you ate and you'll know when you got everything up. I'm a big fan of carrots.
*Drink a TON of liquids when bingeing, everything will come up SO much easier and faster. Just don't drink a ton of high-calorie liquid...even though you're purging you don't need the extra cals to get absorbed in the meantime. Stick with water and zero-calorie/5 cal stuff like those powdered Crystal Light or flavored water.
*I never use my fingers to purge, it can create tell-tale marks. I always use the end of a toothbrush or the round end of a piece of silver wear.
*It helps to switch up the kind of method for purging, so that you don't get too used to any one way and stop reacting to it. For example, one way that always gets the food to start coming up for me is to try to breath in WHILE touching my gag reflex, its almost instantaneous. But I tried only ever doing that for about a week once, and soon it didn't work anymore. Another thing that always works for me is sticking whatever I'm using AS FAR BACK AS IT WILL GO, and then lightly pulling it up and forward at the same time, so that it brushes over, almost tickles, the back of my throat and gag reflex. One other method that usually works for me is very rapidly jabbing the instrument down my throat, but along my tongue so that you are not stabbing your throat in a "straight back" way but very quickly going almost up and down along your tongue and down your throat. Alternating these three has worked best for me,
*Once I'm done bingeing, I'll do my first purge. I like to think of that as my first, practice round. Once I get everything that is going to come up out, I go back and drink some more. My favorite thing to drink is half crystal light, half club soda. Then I jump up and down for about a minute, and then I do sort of a head stand for another minute, but I lean against a chair or the wall. This kind of shakes everything up and the carbonation from the club soda helps SO MUCH! Then I go for my second round, and like magic a ton more always comes up than I even thought was left. When nothing will come up anymore, do it one more time.
*As soon as you are finally done purging, drink some green tea. It will sooth your stomach and esophagus and also provide some antioxidants and caffeine, and beccause you are totally empty, it will get absorbed more quickly.
*The worst food to binge on is anything HOT or SPICY...it HURTS LIKE A BITCH coming up! I've read that a lot of other people have problems with peanut butter or starches, but I have personally found that if I use enough liquid I can purge ANYTHING without a problem EXCEPT SPICY FOOD! Even that, I CAN purge...its just so painful that its almost not worth it. I've had one too many bad experiences with that, so much so that now if I eat something spicy....I'm running and swimming that shit off, not purging it.
*If you're into drinking alcohol or smoking pot, DRINK A LOT OF WATER AND EAT SOMETHING BEFOREHAND. Otherwise...you'll be munching like nobody's business, and when you are drunk or high the likelihood of remembering to effectively purge everything before passing out is slim to none. So if you drink a lot of water and eat something before, you'll be less hungry and less likely to give into temptation when you have less control and judgement.
*When I'm really hungry and on the verge of bingeing, sometimes I'll give myself activities to do and say "you can eat when you finish this." Then, when you finish it, do the same thing again with something else. Keep going as long as you can, and usually the desire will subside AND you get a sense of satisfaction from the self control you exercised.
*Don't take escalators or elevators, always take the stairs, no matter how heavy your bag is or how much you're carrying or how high your heels are. Every bit helps, and it all helps with your overall feeling of accomplishment.
*I've read a lot of tips along the lines of buying clothes too tight or wearing a tight belt to make you more aware of your size, what size you want to be, and how much you've eaten. But for me, I hate walking around looking and feeling like I'm bulging everywhere. It may work for some people, but for me, it actually increases the liklihood that I'll break and binge because it makes me feel insecure and hopeless. INSTEAD, what I do is wear something really loose, flowy, or baggy on top (Like a loose dress, big sweatshirt, etc) and then wear something tight underneath, like skin tight leggings or jeans, and that way you get the subtle reminder you need to watch what you eat and be careful, but its just for you and no one else can see it.
*Reward yourself when you reach milestone goal weights. Donate clothes that are too big to Goodwill, Salvation Army, or whatever organization you like. That way they aren't there anymore for you to allow yourself to be that size again, and you can go shopping for something new.
*I've never really been into music or songs that are explicitly about EDs, but I do have a playlist that I go to when I need motivation. Whatever works for you, mine is mostly broadway musical solos, ballads, some Mariah, some Beyonce, some Mary J, some Regina Spektor....that sort of thing. Whatever floats your boat, but it really does help get you to the next level when you need to be on your own planet.
*This is going to sound like a no-brainer, but don't keep binge foods in the house. That way if you really want them, you have to actually get up, get out of the house, into your car, and go get them. That way you can minimize binges to only when you REALLY REALLY want them instead of just when you are stressed or bored. It seriously took me years to realize what a big difference this made. I used to buy them and think I had the self control to just NOT eat them...but I don't. Never will.
*Always carry hand sanitizer and perfume...sometimes it's not just your breath that smells like vomit, the smell can stay on your hands and clothes, too.
*If you are out in public and it is really apparent that you have taken too long in the bathroom, come out and go to the nearest girl and act really annoyed that you got your period and you don't have anything with you and ask if she has a pad or tampon, it pretty much immediately erases whatever they THOUGHT you might be doing, as long as you don't smell like vomit.
*Add Miralax to all of your liquids. Its supposed to be about a capful for every 8 ounce glass, so I make 2 litre pitchers and mix accordingly. You can't taste it at all, and then its already in there for the next couple days. Helps with digestion and keeps you from getting bloated and constipated, which is the WORST. Its by far the most gentle, mild and natural laxative out there. In fact, it was the only one that they let me have when I was in treatment. That's how you know its legit, lol.
*If you are really in a pinch, baking soda mixed with water will make you throw up, and epsom salt mixed with water works as a laxative. Both of them you just need like a tablespoon for an 8 oz glass. Both of them also taste like shit.
*If your throat gets really raw or sore from purging, I've found that taking 1/2 cup of light vanilla soy milk (only 40 cal) and blending it with a 1/2 cup ice into almost a slushy consistency is incredibly soothing.
*Cut all your food into as small pieces as you possibly can. Everything, even lettuce. The cutting will keep you focused and aware of how much you put in your mouth, and it will make whatever you are eating last MUCH longer.
*Never pour dressing on salad unless it is zero calorie, just have it on the side and dip your fork into it before grabbing the lettuce, you get the taste without all the extra cals.
*Always try to eat something for breakfast to start up and boost your metabolism, just don't go overboard. I like to keep it between 100-150 cals.
*Drink lots of water and green tea, it helps flush your system and boosts metabolism so you can burn more calories throughout the day.
*Try to drink everything ICE COLD, your system has to work harder to burn the calories
*When you are bingeing, try to start with something healthy and very recognizable, that way if it gets absorbed its not the worst food you ate and you'll know when you got everything up. I'm a big fan of carrots.
*Drink a TON of liquids when bingeing, everything will come up SO much easier and faster. Just don't drink a ton of high-calorie liquid...even though you're purging you don't need the extra cals to get absorbed in the meantime. Stick with water and zero-calorie/5 cal stuff like those powdered Crystal Light or flavored water.
*I never use my fingers to purge, it can create tell-tale marks. I always use the end of a toothbrush or the round end of a piece of silver wear.
*It helps to switch up the kind of method for purging, so that you don't get too used to any one way and stop reacting to it. For example, one way that always gets the food to start coming up for me is to try to breath in WHILE touching my gag reflex, its almost instantaneous. But I tried only ever doing that for about a week once, and soon it didn't work anymore. Another thing that always works for me is sticking whatever I'm using AS FAR BACK AS IT WILL GO, and then lightly pulling it up and forward at the same time, so that it brushes over, almost tickles, the back of my throat and gag reflex. One other method that usually works for me is very rapidly jabbing the instrument down my throat, but along my tongue so that you are not stabbing your throat in a "straight back" way but very quickly going almost up and down along your tongue and down your throat. Alternating these three has worked best for me,
*Once I'm done bingeing, I'll do my first purge. I like to think of that as my first, practice round. Once I get everything that is going to come up out, I go back and drink some more. My favorite thing to drink is half crystal light, half club soda. Then I jump up and down for about a minute, and then I do sort of a head stand for another minute, but I lean against a chair or the wall. This kind of shakes everything up and the carbonation from the club soda helps SO MUCH! Then I go for my second round, and like magic a ton more always comes up than I even thought was left. When nothing will come up anymore, do it one more time.
*As soon as you are finally done purging, drink some green tea. It will sooth your stomach and esophagus and also provide some antioxidants and caffeine, and beccause you are totally empty, it will get absorbed more quickly.
*The worst food to binge on is anything HOT or SPICY...it HURTS LIKE A BITCH coming up! I've read that a lot of other people have problems with peanut butter or starches, but I have personally found that if I use enough liquid I can purge ANYTHING without a problem EXCEPT SPICY FOOD! Even that, I CAN purge...its just so painful that its almost not worth it. I've had one too many bad experiences with that, so much so that now if I eat something spicy....I'm running and swimming that shit off, not purging it.
*If you're into drinking alcohol or smoking pot, DRINK A LOT OF WATER AND EAT SOMETHING BEFOREHAND. Otherwise...you'll be munching like nobody's business, and when you are drunk or high the likelihood of remembering to effectively purge everything before passing out is slim to none. So if you drink a lot of water and eat something before, you'll be less hungry and less likely to give into temptation when you have less control and judgement.
*When I'm really hungry and on the verge of bingeing, sometimes I'll give myself activities to do and say "you can eat when you finish this." Then, when you finish it, do the same thing again with something else. Keep going as long as you can, and usually the desire will subside AND you get a sense of satisfaction from the self control you exercised.
*Don't take escalators or elevators, always take the stairs, no matter how heavy your bag is or how much you're carrying or how high your heels are. Every bit helps, and it all helps with your overall feeling of accomplishment.
*I've read a lot of tips along the lines of buying clothes too tight or wearing a tight belt to make you more aware of your size, what size you want to be, and how much you've eaten. But for me, I hate walking around looking and feeling like I'm bulging everywhere. It may work for some people, but for me, it actually increases the liklihood that I'll break and binge because it makes me feel insecure and hopeless. INSTEAD, what I do is wear something really loose, flowy, or baggy on top (Like a loose dress, big sweatshirt, etc) and then wear something tight underneath, like skin tight leggings or jeans, and that way you get the subtle reminder you need to watch what you eat and be careful, but its just for you and no one else can see it.
*Reward yourself when you reach milestone goal weights. Donate clothes that are too big to Goodwill, Salvation Army, or whatever organization you like. That way they aren't there anymore for you to allow yourself to be that size again, and you can go shopping for something new.
*I've never really been into music or songs that are explicitly about EDs, but I do have a playlist that I go to when I need motivation. Whatever works for you, mine is mostly broadway musical solos, ballads, some Mariah, some Beyonce, some Mary J, some Regina Spektor....that sort of thing. Whatever floats your boat, but it really does help get you to the next level when you need to be on your own planet.
*This is going to sound like a no-brainer, but don't keep binge foods in the house. That way if you really want them, you have to actually get up, get out of the house, into your car, and go get them. That way you can minimize binges to only when you REALLY REALLY want them instead of just when you are stressed or bored. It seriously took me years to realize what a big difference this made. I used to buy them and think I had the self control to just NOT eat them...but I don't. Never will.
*Always carry hand sanitizer and perfume...sometimes it's not just your breath that smells like vomit, the smell can stay on your hands and clothes, too.
*If you are out in public and it is really apparent that you have taken too long in the bathroom, come out and go to the nearest girl and act really annoyed that you got your period and you don't have anything with you and ask if she has a pad or tampon, it pretty much immediately erases whatever they THOUGHT you might be doing, as long as you don't smell like vomit.
*Add Miralax to all of your liquids. Its supposed to be about a capful for every 8 ounce glass, so I make 2 litre pitchers and mix accordingly. You can't taste it at all, and then its already in there for the next couple days. Helps with digestion and keeps you from getting bloated and constipated, which is the WORST. Its by far the most gentle, mild and natural laxative out there. In fact, it was the only one that they let me have when I was in treatment. That's how you know its legit, lol.
*If you are really in a pinch, baking soda mixed with water will make you throw up, and epsom salt mixed with water works as a laxative. Both of them you just need like a tablespoon for an 8 oz glass. Both of them also taste like shit.
*If your throat gets really raw or sore from purging, I've found that taking 1/2 cup of light vanilla soy milk (only 40 cal) and blending it with a 1/2 cup ice into almost a slushy consistency is incredibly soothing.
That's all I've got for now, if I think of anything else I'll be sure to post it!
LM
LM
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