Being Home is No Holiday!

Hey there, everyone!
   I got to my parents' place today, and finally got up the nerve to get on a scale for the first time since my birthday, which was Tuesday. As you know, the night before I had managed to get down just under 105lbs after a whole weekend of fasting and exercising. That felt SO good!
   The morning of my birthday, I let myself have a breakfast of 1/4cup egg whites (25cal) and 1 Fiber One yogurt (50cal). Even though it was a breakfast of only 75cal, it was incredibly difficult for me to make myself eat anything after the 3 days of fasting. But, I knew that my friends were taking me out to a great restaurant for dinner that night, and that I wanted to try and enjoy that birthday dinner as much as possible-which meant not making my first bite of dinner my first bite in nearly 4 days. I wanted to gradually build up to it so it wouldn't be impossible to do. Later for lunch I had 1 Wasa Crsipbread (45cal) with 1 Laughing Cow French Onion Light Spreadable Cheese Wedge (35cal) and some Spicy Olive topping (15cal), meaning I managed to keep my breakfast and lunch a little under 200cal. After lunch I worked out for about 1 1/2 hours, did about 45 minutes (400cal) on the treadmill, then did 2 miles on the stationary bike (which actually burns way less calories than you would think...the machine only said like 22cal when I was done!) and some free weights for my arms.
   I was feeling pretty confident that I'd done enough to allow myself to indulge for my birthday dinner. And indulge I did. I had an appetizer of Mushroom Crostinis, which were little pita triangles covered in gorgonzola cheese, olive oil, sauteed onions and Portobello mushrooms...they were TO DIE FOR! But, the plate came with four of them, and I only ate two and gave the rest away. THEN I had a Caprese salad, which was four giant, thick slices of tomatoes topped with equally giant, think slices of mozzerella, with basil and balsamic vinegar. ALSO ridiculously good, and again, I had two of the four and gave the rest away. Here comes the worst of it: Entree and Dessert. Oh yes...it was bad. For dinner I chose the Three Cheese Tortellini in White Truffle Sauce (which was EXACTLY as mind-blowingly amazing as it sounds) and for dessert I had the chocolate layer cake. With the tortellini, I asked for a to-go box and put half of it away before I started eating, so that I wouldn't eat more than half. With the cake, I only had two bites and then passed it around the table for everyone to try...between the 7 of us, it wasn't hard to get everyone else to eat it. Still, though...compared to the 3 1/2 days before that meal, which was nothing + 170cal-that meal was BEYOND sinful. It was so awesome though, that I just kept telling myself "It's your BIRTHDAY! You're allowed to have this one great meal with your friends!" and "You can work it off the rest of the week!"
   What I hadn't really thought of or accounted for, however, when I made my weight-loss goals and schedule, was that literally the VERY NEXT MORNING after my birthday, I was leaving to visit my friend until today...and that RIGHT from her place, I was coming to see my parents until Tuesday. The reason this is such a problem, is that as most of you know, it is infinitely more difficult to stick as rigidly to your diet and exercise routines in front of other people, especially if those other people know about your ED and are hypersensitive to everything to do with food and exercise. I wasn't too bad while I was at my friend's...the worst thing I ate was some vegetable fried rice, and I only had about 1/2 cup. But the problem was, even though I wasn't going crazy and eating like a madwoman-I wasn't getting in my normal amount of exercise. The 45 minutes of floor exercise and ab work I was able to squeeze in before she woke up in the mornings was really nothing compared to what I was doing before I left. I wanted to weigh myself SO BADLY so that I could get my bearings and try and evaluate how many lbs my birthday dinner had cost me and how far I had to go till my next Monday weigh in...but she doesn't own a freaking scale! UGH
   Like I said in the beginning of this post, I finally did get to a scale today...and it was so depressing that I think it was borderline traumatic. 109lbs. You know that moment when you step on a scale, and you KNOW you've gained weight, but you're hoping it's only a little bit, or within a certain range? Like, I was silently praying and wishing to myself in my head "Please don't be over 107, please don't be over 107..." over and over again. When that 109 popped up, I almost fainted I was so heartbroken. I went into my room and just sat on the bed rocking back and forth, crying, on the verge of hyperventilating. My initial thought after I calmed down a bit, was that last weekend I went from 110.6 to 104.2 in only 3 days, so it is not out of the realm of possibility that I could go from 109 to 103 by Monday night.
   The problem is, last weekend I was at my own apartment, with my own privacy and the freedom to do whatever I wanted. I was able to eat nothing, exercise to my heart's content...and even do hot yoga (for which there is NOT a studio where my parents live!). Now I'm home, and although my parents don't exactly watch me 24/7, and we don't really sit down for meals together unless we're dining out...it is still extremely hard for me to hide eating nothing from them. Eventually, I get asked "When was the last time you ate?" or "What did you have for ________ ?" PLUS, in addition to fasting being so impossible when I'm home, I don't have access to the same exercise equipment and studios that I do where I live. I already said there's no Hot Yoga studio here, but at my apartment I have a 24 hour gym, and here...well, I don't. Which means anything I want to do for exercise I'll have to either do behind closed doors in my room, or try to escape for long enough to actually run a few miles or go to a park.
   The only thing I ate today was dinner at this little Italian place my parents love-which was good, but super fattening and calorie packed...which is why I purged it as soon as we got home. I was a little nervous they would catch on, but luckily my dad was tired and went to bed and my mom went to run some errands, so I was able to just purge undeterred for like 20 minutes in the bathroom. I've been drinking a ton of tea and water, and took double the amount of fiber supplements, trying to force my body to eliminate some of the water weight and cleanse out what I can. Going to go for a run in the morning before my parents wake up-Sunday is the only day that both of them have off, so they always sleep in-which will let me be gone for a solid 2 hours or so before they get up.
   Basically, I'm going to try my best to do everything I can to get my weight as low as possible by Monday night-but I'm not overly optimistic that I'm going to be able to reach my 103 goal. Right now I kind of just hope I can get it down to at least 105 or so, so that when I get back to MY LIFE on Tuesday, I can spend the whole week instead of just a weekend doing whatever I have to do to reach my next goal.
   Sorry this was so long, but I hadn't been able to sit down and write a reall post in a few days. Thanks so much for reading and your support! Special shout out to Liz for always hitting me up with great comments =) Wish me luck for tomorrow and Monday, I'll post Monday night with my weekly update and pics--no matter how dismal they are. Good night, and stay strong!

LM

Real quick...

   Hey guys-I'm out of town visiting a friend until Saturday, then visiting my parents until Tuesday. My birthday was really great, and I'll post some pictures when I have time at my parents' place. I am eating food again, but trying really hard not to eat too much. It's been hard being out of town, maintaining strict diet routines is always more difficult when you aren't at your own place, with your  own food, and the privacy to eat/not eat/purge whatever you want and exercise as much as and whenever you want. In spite of that, I have been trying to be as careful as possible and have been waking up earlier to get in at least 45 minutes of exercise before my friend or her boyfriend are awake to notice.    I haven't weighed myself since Monday, have been too scared that it has gone up since resuming solid foods. Can't weigh myself here...not only does she not have a scale, but she knows about my food *issues* and is hypervigilant and hypersensitive about diet/weight related around me. Depending on what I weigh when I get to a scale on Saturday, I may or may not be doing another food strike/exercise rampage combo for the weekend.
   Won't be able to post again until late Sat/early Sun. Will give more thorough birthday and trip details then. Got to give my friend back her laptop now and go to bed. Night!

LM

I EFFIN DID IT!!

   Post number TWO for today, with about 1 1/2 hours to go before my birthday! This is going to be REALLY quick, since my earlier post was a bit lengthy and I have some friends coming over to watch the Intervention MARATHON that is on tonight! I LOVE Intervention.
   Anyway, as the title of this post may suggest: I DID IT! 104.2lbs! Still no food since Friday's debacle, can't wait to sleep in tomorrow morning-was pretty sore, tired, and light-headed towards the end of today. Without further ado, my pictures:

 

Like before, had to adjust the lighting on the picture a bit to make the numbers more visible. 

Front View

Side View

Well, that's really all I have to report at the moment. Can anyone see a difference? I'm starting to get a little discouraged that I'm almost 6lbs down and still look the same. Good night, all! 

LM

WHOA-FREAK OUT MODE!

   This isn't going to be a particularly motivational post. Basically, was doing really amazing until late Friday night, had kept it between 250-450cals each day and burned between 500-1000 with exercise....was feeling really great. But I really fucked up Friday night. Friday afternoon i weighed myself and I was down to 106.2, which made me really happy because I was on my way to my 105 goal for today. I was even feeling so well that I went shopping for my dress to wear at my friend's wedding in Antigua-something I usually hate doing, because I can't stand trying on clothes in the mirror and being reminded of my size. I spent a solid 3 hours shopping, trying on dresses in 5 different stores, and was so happy that I was consistently a Sz. 2 everywhere...which just made me want to hold out and not buy anything until I reach a Sz. 0.

   Well, I was feeling a little too good, I guess, and decided I deserved a relaxing afternoon off with one of my friends that I hadn't hung out with in a while. Problem is, this particular friend and I NEVER hang out without getting HIGH AS A KITE. And I had been dutifully abstaining from drugs and alcohol, since I know they just facilitate binges. Long story short: by 12:30AM, I had eaten half a box of Wheat-Thins, half of a small cheese platter, and an ENTIRE MEDIUM PIZZA with pineapple and banana peppers!!!! It was SO DISGUSTING! And the whole time, I kept thinking "No big deal, I'll just purge when I get home." But then I kept getting HIGH and NOT LEAVING! Ugh. I haven't been that angry at myself in a really long time. It was SUCH a lapse in judgement on my part...I KNOW that I have incredible self control and motivation when I am SOBER...and very little when I am not. Epic fail. 

   So, I ended up sleeping over because I never got sober enough to drive home, and when I finally did come home Saturday morning, I weighed myself. 110.6. One night of getting high and eating whatever I wanted, and I went from 106.2 to 110.6 in less than 24 hours. ONE NIGHT erased about two weeks worth of hard work and discipline. I went into total FREAK OUT mode-and haven't had a single bite to eat since that Pizza late Friday night. I went out and bought some new diet pills, because I had run out of mine. I've been on an exercise rampage, while having nothing but water and fiber supplements. 

   It's hasn't been easy, but between the no eating and 2-3 hours of exercise all day Saturday and Sunday, and so far 30 minutes early this morning...I think I've finally counter-acted Friday night's binge. Last I weighed myself was late last night (Sunday) and I was down to 105.6. I'm hoping that by the time I take my weekly pictures and do my Monday weigh-in later today, that 0.6lbs will be gone. I refuse to eat a single morsel of food until I am 105lb or less. I almost broke last night and I went as far as putting a handful of raisins in my mouth...and I chewed them for about 15 seconds before spitting them out. I hate living like this, I was really trying to avoid reverting to this kind of extreme behavior...but I can't help it I guess. 

   I'm doing a 10:15 cycling class in an hour, and I've already done 30 minutes of Yoga when I woke up. I also went out and bought three exercise and fitness magazines/guides, and yesterday I did about an hour of moves from one of them for core work and muscle strengthening. I think I'll do another set of them later after the cycling class. Whatever it takes to burn as many calories as possible. Every hour I'm drinking about a half a cup of either water or green tea. 

   I have a therapy appointment later today, I don't think I'm going to be totally honest about what I'm doing right now. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I'm afraid if I'm honest my therapist will want to hospitalize me, and I really don't want to be in the hospital for my birthday. Right now, I'm thinking that if I get down to 105 or less by tonight, I'll allow myself to slowly start eating again tomorrow, so that I enjoy my birthday as much as possible. I just wanted to update, will post my weekly pics later...hopefully featuring some good numbers!!

LM

MIA

Hey guys~
   Sorry for being a little MIA the past two days. They have been going REALLY well, though! On Tuesday I went for a walk in the park with my friend, who is also trying to eat healthy, exercises, and lose weight. It's great because we can pretty much call one another anytime (that we know the other isn't working) and have a buddy to do WHATEVER!
   Well, we walked for a little over an hour and whenever I walk in the park I always bring my free weights to amp it up a notch, so I did 5lb arm exercises the whole time we walked. When I got back I tried something new for breakfast: A SMOOTHIE! But one I made myself, so I knew it wasn't packed with shit I didn't need. I put 1/2 cup raspberries (25cal), 1/2 cup strawberries (26.5cal), I Fiber One Vanilla Yogurt (50cal), 1 tblsp pineapple juice (8.5cal), 1/2 scoop of Vanilla Whey Protein (70cal), and about 4 ice cubes. It was DELICIOUS and incredibly filling and satisfying, all for 180cal. And really, it was a little too much for me to finish, so I didn't even drink it all-I put about 1/3 of it back in the fridge and had it later for lunch with 1 Wasa Crispbread (45cal), and 1 Red. Fat String Cheese (50cal).
   Then I had to have my friend drive me to the DMV to clear up and issue with my license, and that was probably the worst part of the day! The DMV definitely lived up to their reputation of being awful, slow, inefficient, and incompetent! I made an APPOINTMENT for 4:15, was there at 4:00, and there was a line of about 25 other people WITHOUT APPOINTMENTS in front of me. So when I asked if there was another line for people with appointments, like there SHOULD BE-I was told that there wasn't and that I just had to wait with everyone else...so why did they even take my appointment in the first place if it didn't matter??
   Also, when I called to make my apparently FAKE appointment, I asked the person what documents I needed to have with me, and I was told exactly what I needed: Insurance card, vehicle registration, current license, social security card, and proof that I did an online driver improvement course (Had the certificate and the receipt). Awesome-got it all. Well after waiting for a half hour in line, I get there and present all of my info and the guy tells me I NEED MY PASSPORT! WTF! Not only did the person I spoke to when I first called NEVER MENTION A PASSPORT, but WHY do I need a PASSPORT for this SIMPLE matter! Jesus christ! Ya, so I had to leave without getting anything fixed and I'm going back tomorrow (Fri) morning. Sorry for all the caps-lock yelling, definitely needed to vent that one out!
   Anyway, that was an epic FAIL, but afterwards to de-stress my friend and I stopped and got a manicure-which I was in desperate need of. I got this really cute NEON pink color which makes me feel fun and summery. The only real bump, diet-wise, was that after the manicure we were both really hungry (it was about 6:30 by now, hadn't eaten since noonish) and decided to stop at this strip mall that has a Pita Pit and a Mochi right next to each other! For anyone who doesn't know those chains, Pita Pit is this awesome fast-food alternative that you pick what you want (vegetables, sauces, meat-whatever) and they grill it in front of you and put it in a Pita. So, it's pretty healthy compared to a lot of shit. BUT I still don't like adding the extra carbs of a Pita, so you can turn any of their Pitas into a salad. I basically just got a bowl with lettuce and every vegetable they had (except Sprouts-gross lol). Just used vinegar for dressing, so I know there was close to nothing in it, but it was really filling.
   The salad isn't the issue-fucking MOCHI is the issue! Again, for anyone who doesn't know of it, Mochi is this fat-free frozen yogurt chain that is supposedly really healthy and has fresh fruit toppings, etc. They claim that there is only 25-30cal per oz, and it is self-serve, so you can fill it however many ounces you want. Here's the thing: they only publish the nutritional information for their ORIGINAL flavor, but they have like 20 ridiculous flavors like "Red Velvet," "Cookies and Cream," "Coconilla," "Almond," "Chocolate..." you get the idea, the list goes on and on! So I don't understand why they don't have the information for ALL of the flavors, and when I asked, they told me "they are all the same." I find that VERY DIFFICULT to believe. So, I always get nervous when I go there, because even though its delicious, I hate not knowing what I'm eating. To me, if you don't publish the information, it could be ANYTHING! Red Velvet could have 25 calories per oz OR it could have 1000 calories per oz! But, ya, so we had Mochi and I got half Red Velvet and half Coconilla with fresh strawberries on top-it was really great. But when I got home, even though I knew that I probably hadn't had that much...the mystery of the Mochi really got in my head, and I ended up purging just in case.
   The rest of the night was fine, no binges, and I worked out more: did the treadmill for around 30 minutes, my little Shake Weight video, and a 30 minute Yoga podcast. Then at night my friend and I went in the hot tub to unwind a bit and soothe our muscles (shes been working out a lot, too).
   Yesterday was really great, diet and exercise-wise...but I did have a really intense therapy session that was a little rough. I'll spare you the minute-by-minute, meal-by-meal for the sake of length and time-but for the whole day I stayed under 400cal, and I did my park workout (jump rope and abs) for 45 minutes plus Shake Weight and a little swimming. The session, though, was really crazy. I'm also not going to go entirely into it, because it's really personal, but basically I'm with a therapist right now that I REALLY love, and it is the first time I've ever been this open, honest, and comfortable with my therapist before.
   However, after finally reaching this level with him, I am moving in a little over two months, and will lose him. This comes right at a time when we JUST started bridging some incredibly intense topics, that I wasn't ready to talk about before-the kind of stuff that it takes a year or two to even come out in therapy. I really felt like we were on the verge of a major breakthrough with some of my trauma issues-and now I'm leaving and will have to start all over again with someone else...that is, if I even continue therapy once I move. Part of me is just so frustrated at the thought of having to start all over with someone, that it actually angers me to the point of a physiological reaction. Just the idea of losing all the time I've spent with my current doctor and even having to go through the process of looking for someone else, and then having that awkward first session, and taking another year or more to build up trust and a relationship....wow, my blood pressure is rising just typing it. I was near a full-blown panic attack in the office yesterday.
   Anyway, this post is way longer than I meant it to be already. I just had some breakfast (meal total=80cal), wanted to take some time to write and plan out the rest of my day before getting started. Have a lot of work to do today, not sure if I'll be able to post again tonight-but I'll try. I'm meeting with someone tonight around 5:45 to finish up a project we've been doing the past 5 months or so, and it should be very *interesting* based on the last "meeting" we had...if you catch my drift, lol. Until next time ~ Keep up all the great work, everyone! And stay strong!

LM

Update and Round Two of Pics!

   I have about an hour before it's technically Tuesday, so let me try to post this as quickly as possible. That shouldn't be too difficult, as today was remarkably uneventful! It was POURING rain from about 7 to 10am, which kind of put the kabosh on my 7am pool plans to repeat my yoga and swimming routine from Friday! Since that was the only reason I had gotten up so early, I went back to sleep (I'm sick, so I figured I could use the extra rest). I finally woke up around 9:30, and by the time it was finally sunny out again, the pool was packed with people...which isn't my cup of tea. So instead I just did an at home yoga DVD in my living room for about 45 minutes, and decided I'd try the pool again late at night.

   In the meantime, my apartment has been a complete disaster for the past week, and I decided to spend the rest of the day cleaning it. I also had a lot of laundry to do, so I gathered up about two loads worth and separated them, and loaded the washing machine. By the time I was actually ready to start cleaning, it was around 11:45 and I realized I still hadn't eaten breakfast. So, before I took on the formidable task of moving all of the living room furniture to use carpet stain remover on it and then vacuum, I had a quick meal of: 2 Veggie Protein Strips, 40cal; 1/2 cup egg whites, 60cal; and a Fiber One vanilla yogurt, 50cal. Since it was so close to lunch, that's what I counted it as. 

   No use detailing the rest of the day...I literally scrubbed the carpet, vacuumed, put clothes away, and did the dishes for 5 or 6 hours. All of a sudden around 7ish I noticed that I was very tired and lightheaded, and remembered I hadn't eaten since what I had around noon. However, at the point I was afraid that if I ate something then I would binge because I was so hungry, so instead I had a few sips of water and went back to cleaning. It's 11:17 now and I still haven't eaten anything...but I finally decided to drink some SoBe LifeWater...ugh, I just know that if I eat now I won't be able to stop myself. I've found in the past when I feel like this sometimes the best thing to do is just GO TO SLEEP! So that's what I'm going to do as soon as this post is done!

   Without further ado, my results for this week:

I adjusted my goals to reflect my 2lb weight gain at the beginning of the week, because in essentially changed my starting weight from 108 to 110. I had initially said that my goal was to go from 108 to 106 by today, but since I gained two pounds I changed it to 110 to 108. Well, I weighed myself right before I started writing, and I'm at 107 lbs even. So, that's 3 lbs down. Sorry about the weird camera angle, I had to self-timer it and prop it up on my shower rack, because the freaking camera is so heavy that when I tried to take a picture holding it it added a 1 1/2 lbs to the scale, lol! I adjusted the lighting a bit on the picture so the numbers could be read better. 

   And here are this week's front and side views. I'm not sure if I see much of a difference, but I guess it's only 3 lbs. Let me know what you think! 

  I think that's all for tonight. Now, sleep. Goodnight, and stay strong! 

LM

Can't Win Em All, I guess...

   Well, after my great day on Friday, I've been a little nervous about posting anything less than perfect. That's the only trouble with those "great days," as awesome as they are, anything short of them sort of pales in comparison! I've definitely not had as fantastic days as Friday-but at the same time I think I could have done a lot worse, too.
   As I mentioned in the last part of Friday's post, I did have a date that night. We met up for drinks at a local bar, and since I knew I'd be doing that, I didn't eat any dinner. Instead I saved whatever calories I would have used on dinner for my signature cocktail: Vodka and Club Soda with EXTRA Lime! It has between 75-100 calories, depending on the proof of the Vodka and how generous the shot is. I ended up having about 2 more than I should have, making my total between 225 and 300cals, but before that my total for the whole day had still been just under 200. Even though I would have liked to have exercised the will power to just have one drink and call it a night-that was apparently not in the cards lol.
   Also not in the cards? Keeping my self-respect. OH yes-I definitely went home with my date despite a complete lack of attraction or interest, just because I felt OBLIGATED. Pretty fucked up what we do to ourselves sometimes, huh? Like, why on Earth did I feel obligated to go home with someone I just met, and wasn't attracted to, and didn't really ever want to see again? Because I'm nuts, that's why. There just came a point in the night where I was like..."If I was going to go home, I should have by now...guess I'm going home with this winner right here..." Anyway, I woke up in their bed SICK AS A DOG! I had kind of started to feel the beginnings of a cold earlier in the day, but had taken some Vitamin-C with Rose Hips to try and stave it off...didn't quite work, although, I'm sure the alcohol and um...*other* activities didn't help very much. Talk about Karma, though!
   So, I left at around 10:30am and went straight to the store to buy some groceries and Cold/Flu medicine. I needed to re-up on some fruits and broccoli, and of course I splurged on a bunch of other stuff that I thought I just HAD to have! Like SmartBacon Veggie Protein Strips...they are really good and only 20cal per strip, and it's all protein! But they, like most specialty vegetarian items, were not cheap. I also got some veggie chicken nuggets, which only have 140cal in 4 nuggets. Some WASA crispbread as a bread substitute, it is multigrain and only 40cal per slice. Then a bunch of throat lozenges, and Alka-Seltzer Cold, and 10 fucking bottles of SoBe "Life Water" (just because each bottle has 100% of your daily Vitamin C value, and I'm sick so I thought that sounded like a great idea, lol) Ya, I went a little over board.
   I had been planning on doing a 5-mile hike with my friend, but I was feeling pretty awful and not sure if that was going to happen. After taking some medicine and eating a small breakfast (Egg whites, 60cal, Wasa bread, 40cal), it was really clear that I wasn't going to be able to handle a 5 mile hike. I was sneezing and coughing and blowing my nose every 5 minutes, which I didn't think would be very appreciated by my friend. So I told her I had to pass, but that hopefully I'd be fine by next Saturday.
   Rest of yesterday was pretty uneventful, all I did was sleep and take medicine every 4 hours. I didn't get any exercise in like I had planned, but I was also really good and didn't eat too much. My total for the day after lunch (Luna bar, 180cal) and a bunch of random snacks (Babybel, 50cal, 4 Veggie Nuggets,140cal, 2tblsp Ranch, 30cal) was right around 500, so I didn't feel too terrible. I did go over to my other friend's house for gamenight, where I did give in and have a lemon cookie, but I only had one and they were really small, about the size of a silver dollar-so I doubt they could have been more than 50-60 each, which still leaves me under 600 for the day.
   Today, though, has been kind of rough. I had planned to go to Hot Yoga at 10am, and despite still being sick and feeling like shit, I told myself that I HAD TO GO! So, I forced myself to get up, get dressed, and go to the Hot Yoga studio. Now, for those of you who don't know, Hot Yoga is basically 100 minutes of high-intensity Yoga in 100 degree heat. It is supposed to be really great for your joints, loosen you up, and boasts the ability to burn between 500 and 900 calories in a single session. I've done it before, but never sick...and WOW, was it ridiculously difficult. Towards the end I didn't know if I was going to last for the full 100 minutes, I was having trouble breathing and afraid of passing out. So the last couple of positions I sort of half-assed, there was no way some of them were going to happen without me collapsing!
   When I left, I felt like i had been hit by a train. And yet, the crazy part is that I was still glad I went. I thought, "Well, you may feel worse than ever-but just think of all the calories you burned!" Ha. Well, I still hadn't eaten breakfast, so when I got home I made some egg whites and Veggie Bacon (100cal together). I over cooked the bacon a little, though, and in order to make it taste better I put some salsa on it, which may have added between 10-20 cal. I've been drinking nothing but Alka-Seltzer medicine water and Life Water, but have been getting cravings all day for BAD FOOD! I kept fighting it off by having a 1/4 piece of matzo, (around 30cal), and then a string cheese (50cal), but nothing really seemed to help.
   See, the problem is that my roommate, whom I really do love, also has an affinity for TERRIBLE FOOD! So, I can buy nothing but fruit and veggies, but then still have to stare at her Triple Chocolate Ice Cream, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and Chocolate Fudge, and Nutella in the fridge/freezer/cabinets! It's so difficult sometimes! Well, at around 5, I gave in to a "Mini-Binge": about 5 break off squares of chocolate chip cookie dough with about a cup of triple chocolate ice cream! OMFG, it was SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!!!!! It was like heaven in my mouth (That's What She Said!). But, of course, once I realized what I had done and how many calories I had just consumed and how I ruined whatever benefits from Hot Yoga I would have gotten, I promptly went to the bathroom and purged everything. Luckily, ice cream is one of the easiest foods to purge and one of my favorite binge foods for that reason. Still, it took me about 20 minutes to get everything out, and with being sick, I felt extremely light-headed and dizzy when I was done. That was about 3 hours ago now, and all I've ingested since then is 4oz of water with my medicine.
   I'm not really looking forward to weighing myself and taking pictures tomorrow, as I'm worried I haven't lost much weight in spite of how hard I've been working. Not to be TMI, but I've also haven't been able to go to the bathroom in nearly 3 days now-so even though I've been burning more calories than I've been eating, I feel all backed up and bloated. My period finally ended, thank god, but I'm thinking I might have to take some laxatives or something tonight before getting on that scale tomorrow!
   Well, I'm falling asleep typing this-I think its all the cold medicine. Until tomorrow!

LM