MIA

Hey guys~
   Sorry for being a little MIA the past two days. They have been going REALLY well, though! On Tuesday I went for a walk in the park with my friend, who is also trying to eat healthy, exercises, and lose weight. It's great because we can pretty much call one another anytime (that we know the other isn't working) and have a buddy to do WHATEVER!
   Well, we walked for a little over an hour and whenever I walk in the park I always bring my free weights to amp it up a notch, so I did 5lb arm exercises the whole time we walked. When I got back I tried something new for breakfast: A SMOOTHIE! But one I made myself, so I knew it wasn't packed with shit I didn't need. I put 1/2 cup raspberries (25cal), 1/2 cup strawberries (26.5cal), I Fiber One Vanilla Yogurt (50cal), 1 tblsp pineapple juice (8.5cal), 1/2 scoop of Vanilla Whey Protein (70cal), and about 4 ice cubes. It was DELICIOUS and incredibly filling and satisfying, all for 180cal. And really, it was a little too much for me to finish, so I didn't even drink it all-I put about 1/3 of it back in the fridge and had it later for lunch with 1 Wasa Crispbread (45cal), and 1 Red. Fat String Cheese (50cal).
   Then I had to have my friend drive me to the DMV to clear up and issue with my license, and that was probably the worst part of the day! The DMV definitely lived up to their reputation of being awful, slow, inefficient, and incompetent! I made an APPOINTMENT for 4:15, was there at 4:00, and there was a line of about 25 other people WITHOUT APPOINTMENTS in front of me. So when I asked if there was another line for people with appointments, like there SHOULD BE-I was told that there wasn't and that I just had to wait with everyone else...so why did they even take my appointment in the first place if it didn't matter??
   Also, when I called to make my apparently FAKE appointment, I asked the person what documents I needed to have with me, and I was told exactly what I needed: Insurance card, vehicle registration, current license, social security card, and proof that I did an online driver improvement course (Had the certificate and the receipt). Awesome-got it all. Well after waiting for a half hour in line, I get there and present all of my info and the guy tells me I NEED MY PASSPORT! WTF! Not only did the person I spoke to when I first called NEVER MENTION A PASSPORT, but WHY do I need a PASSPORT for this SIMPLE matter! Jesus christ! Ya, so I had to leave without getting anything fixed and I'm going back tomorrow (Fri) morning. Sorry for all the caps-lock yelling, definitely needed to vent that one out!
   Anyway, that was an epic FAIL, but afterwards to de-stress my friend and I stopped and got a manicure-which I was in desperate need of. I got this really cute NEON pink color which makes me feel fun and summery. The only real bump, diet-wise, was that after the manicure we were both really hungry (it was about 6:30 by now, hadn't eaten since noonish) and decided to stop at this strip mall that has a Pita Pit and a Mochi right next to each other! For anyone who doesn't know those chains, Pita Pit is this awesome fast-food alternative that you pick what you want (vegetables, sauces, meat-whatever) and they grill it in front of you and put it in a Pita. So, it's pretty healthy compared to a lot of shit. BUT I still don't like adding the extra carbs of a Pita, so you can turn any of their Pitas into a salad. I basically just got a bowl with lettuce and every vegetable they had (except Sprouts-gross lol). Just used vinegar for dressing, so I know there was close to nothing in it, but it was really filling.
   The salad isn't the issue-fucking MOCHI is the issue! Again, for anyone who doesn't know of it, Mochi is this fat-free frozen yogurt chain that is supposedly really healthy and has fresh fruit toppings, etc. They claim that there is only 25-30cal per oz, and it is self-serve, so you can fill it however many ounces you want. Here's the thing: they only publish the nutritional information for their ORIGINAL flavor, but they have like 20 ridiculous flavors like "Red Velvet," "Cookies and Cream," "Coconilla," "Almond," "Chocolate..." you get the idea, the list goes on and on! So I don't understand why they don't have the information for ALL of the flavors, and when I asked, they told me "they are all the same." I find that VERY DIFFICULT to believe. So, I always get nervous when I go there, because even though its delicious, I hate not knowing what I'm eating. To me, if you don't publish the information, it could be ANYTHING! Red Velvet could have 25 calories per oz OR it could have 1000 calories per oz! But, ya, so we had Mochi and I got half Red Velvet and half Coconilla with fresh strawberries on top-it was really great. But when I got home, even though I knew that I probably hadn't had that much...the mystery of the Mochi really got in my head, and I ended up purging just in case.
   The rest of the night was fine, no binges, and I worked out more: did the treadmill for around 30 minutes, my little Shake Weight video, and a 30 minute Yoga podcast. Then at night my friend and I went in the hot tub to unwind a bit and soothe our muscles (shes been working out a lot, too).
   Yesterday was really great, diet and exercise-wise...but I did have a really intense therapy session that was a little rough. I'll spare you the minute-by-minute, meal-by-meal for the sake of length and time-but for the whole day I stayed under 400cal, and I did my park workout (jump rope and abs) for 45 minutes plus Shake Weight and a little swimming. The session, though, was really crazy. I'm also not going to go entirely into it, because it's really personal, but basically I'm with a therapist right now that I REALLY love, and it is the first time I've ever been this open, honest, and comfortable with my therapist before.
   However, after finally reaching this level with him, I am moving in a little over two months, and will lose him. This comes right at a time when we JUST started bridging some incredibly intense topics, that I wasn't ready to talk about before-the kind of stuff that it takes a year or two to even come out in therapy. I really felt like we were on the verge of a major breakthrough with some of my trauma issues-and now I'm leaving and will have to start all over again with someone else...that is, if I even continue therapy once I move. Part of me is just so frustrated at the thought of having to start all over with someone, that it actually angers me to the point of a physiological reaction. Just the idea of losing all the time I've spent with my current doctor and even having to go through the process of looking for someone else, and then having that awkward first session, and taking another year or more to build up trust and a relationship....wow, my blood pressure is rising just typing it. I was near a full-blown panic attack in the office yesterday.
   Anyway, this post is way longer than I meant it to be already. I just had some breakfast (meal total=80cal), wanted to take some time to write and plan out the rest of my day before getting started. Have a lot of work to do today, not sure if I'll be able to post again tonight-but I'll try. I'm meeting with someone tonight around 5:45 to finish up a project we've been doing the past 5 months or so, and it should be very *interesting* based on the last "meeting" we had...if you catch my drift, lol. Until next time ~ Keep up all the great work, everyone! And stay strong!

LM

Update and Round Two of Pics!

   I have about an hour before it's technically Tuesday, so let me try to post this as quickly as possible. That shouldn't be too difficult, as today was remarkably uneventful! It was POURING rain from about 7 to 10am, which kind of put the kabosh on my 7am pool plans to repeat my yoga and swimming routine from Friday! Since that was the only reason I had gotten up so early, I went back to sleep (I'm sick, so I figured I could use the extra rest). I finally woke up around 9:30, and by the time it was finally sunny out again, the pool was packed with people...which isn't my cup of tea. So instead I just did an at home yoga DVD in my living room for about 45 minutes, and decided I'd try the pool again late at night.

   In the meantime, my apartment has been a complete disaster for the past week, and I decided to spend the rest of the day cleaning it. I also had a lot of laundry to do, so I gathered up about two loads worth and separated them, and loaded the washing machine. By the time I was actually ready to start cleaning, it was around 11:45 and I realized I still hadn't eaten breakfast. So, before I took on the formidable task of moving all of the living room furniture to use carpet stain remover on it and then vacuum, I had a quick meal of: 2 Veggie Protein Strips, 40cal; 1/2 cup egg whites, 60cal; and a Fiber One vanilla yogurt, 50cal. Since it was so close to lunch, that's what I counted it as. 

   No use detailing the rest of the day...I literally scrubbed the carpet, vacuumed, put clothes away, and did the dishes for 5 or 6 hours. All of a sudden around 7ish I noticed that I was very tired and lightheaded, and remembered I hadn't eaten since what I had around noon. However, at the point I was afraid that if I ate something then I would binge because I was so hungry, so instead I had a few sips of water and went back to cleaning. It's 11:17 now and I still haven't eaten anything...but I finally decided to drink some SoBe LifeWater...ugh, I just know that if I eat now I won't be able to stop myself. I've found in the past when I feel like this sometimes the best thing to do is just GO TO SLEEP! So that's what I'm going to do as soon as this post is done!

   Without further ado, my results for this week:

I adjusted my goals to reflect my 2lb weight gain at the beginning of the week, because in essentially changed my starting weight from 108 to 110. I had initially said that my goal was to go from 108 to 106 by today, but since I gained two pounds I changed it to 110 to 108. Well, I weighed myself right before I started writing, and I'm at 107 lbs even. So, that's 3 lbs down. Sorry about the weird camera angle, I had to self-timer it and prop it up on my shower rack, because the freaking camera is so heavy that when I tried to take a picture holding it it added a 1 1/2 lbs to the scale, lol! I adjusted the lighting a bit on the picture so the numbers could be read better. 

   And here are this week's front and side views. I'm not sure if I see much of a difference, but I guess it's only 3 lbs. Let me know what you think! 

  I think that's all for tonight. Now, sleep. Goodnight, and stay strong! 

LM

Can't Win Em All, I guess...

   Well, after my great day on Friday, I've been a little nervous about posting anything less than perfect. That's the only trouble with those "great days," as awesome as they are, anything short of them sort of pales in comparison! I've definitely not had as fantastic days as Friday-but at the same time I think I could have done a lot worse, too.
   As I mentioned in the last part of Friday's post, I did have a date that night. We met up for drinks at a local bar, and since I knew I'd be doing that, I didn't eat any dinner. Instead I saved whatever calories I would have used on dinner for my signature cocktail: Vodka and Club Soda with EXTRA Lime! It has between 75-100 calories, depending on the proof of the Vodka and how generous the shot is. I ended up having about 2 more than I should have, making my total between 225 and 300cals, but before that my total for the whole day had still been just under 200. Even though I would have liked to have exercised the will power to just have one drink and call it a night-that was apparently not in the cards lol.
   Also not in the cards? Keeping my self-respect. OH yes-I definitely went home with my date despite a complete lack of attraction or interest, just because I felt OBLIGATED. Pretty fucked up what we do to ourselves sometimes, huh? Like, why on Earth did I feel obligated to go home with someone I just met, and wasn't attracted to, and didn't really ever want to see again? Because I'm nuts, that's why. There just came a point in the night where I was like..."If I was going to go home, I should have by now...guess I'm going home with this winner right here..." Anyway, I woke up in their bed SICK AS A DOG! I had kind of started to feel the beginnings of a cold earlier in the day, but had taken some Vitamin-C with Rose Hips to try and stave it off...didn't quite work, although, I'm sure the alcohol and um...*other* activities didn't help very much. Talk about Karma, though!
   So, I left at around 10:30am and went straight to the store to buy some groceries and Cold/Flu medicine. I needed to re-up on some fruits and broccoli, and of course I splurged on a bunch of other stuff that I thought I just HAD to have! Like SmartBacon Veggie Protein Strips...they are really good and only 20cal per strip, and it's all protein! But they, like most specialty vegetarian items, were not cheap. I also got some veggie chicken nuggets, which only have 140cal in 4 nuggets. Some WASA crispbread as a bread substitute, it is multigrain and only 40cal per slice. Then a bunch of throat lozenges, and Alka-Seltzer Cold, and 10 fucking bottles of SoBe "Life Water" (just because each bottle has 100% of your daily Vitamin C value, and I'm sick so I thought that sounded like a great idea, lol) Ya, I went a little over board.
   I had been planning on doing a 5-mile hike with my friend, but I was feeling pretty awful and not sure if that was going to happen. After taking some medicine and eating a small breakfast (Egg whites, 60cal, Wasa bread, 40cal), it was really clear that I wasn't going to be able to handle a 5 mile hike. I was sneezing and coughing and blowing my nose every 5 minutes, which I didn't think would be very appreciated by my friend. So I told her I had to pass, but that hopefully I'd be fine by next Saturday.
   Rest of yesterday was pretty uneventful, all I did was sleep and take medicine every 4 hours. I didn't get any exercise in like I had planned, but I was also really good and didn't eat too much. My total for the day after lunch (Luna bar, 180cal) and a bunch of random snacks (Babybel, 50cal, 4 Veggie Nuggets,140cal, 2tblsp Ranch, 30cal) was right around 500, so I didn't feel too terrible. I did go over to my other friend's house for gamenight, where I did give in and have a lemon cookie, but I only had one and they were really small, about the size of a silver dollar-so I doubt they could have been more than 50-60 each, which still leaves me under 600 for the day.
   Today, though, has been kind of rough. I had planned to go to Hot Yoga at 10am, and despite still being sick and feeling like shit, I told myself that I HAD TO GO! So, I forced myself to get up, get dressed, and go to the Hot Yoga studio. Now, for those of you who don't know, Hot Yoga is basically 100 minutes of high-intensity Yoga in 100 degree heat. It is supposed to be really great for your joints, loosen you up, and boasts the ability to burn between 500 and 900 calories in a single session. I've done it before, but never sick...and WOW, was it ridiculously difficult. Towards the end I didn't know if I was going to last for the full 100 minutes, I was having trouble breathing and afraid of passing out. So the last couple of positions I sort of half-assed, there was no way some of them were going to happen without me collapsing!
   When I left, I felt like i had been hit by a train. And yet, the crazy part is that I was still glad I went. I thought, "Well, you may feel worse than ever-but just think of all the calories you burned!" Ha. Well, I still hadn't eaten breakfast, so when I got home I made some egg whites and Veggie Bacon (100cal together). I over cooked the bacon a little, though, and in order to make it taste better I put some salsa on it, which may have added between 10-20 cal. I've been drinking nothing but Alka-Seltzer medicine water and Life Water, but have been getting cravings all day for BAD FOOD! I kept fighting it off by having a 1/4 piece of matzo, (around 30cal), and then a string cheese (50cal), but nothing really seemed to help.
   See, the problem is that my roommate, whom I really do love, also has an affinity for TERRIBLE FOOD! So, I can buy nothing but fruit and veggies, but then still have to stare at her Triple Chocolate Ice Cream, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and Chocolate Fudge, and Nutella in the fridge/freezer/cabinets! It's so difficult sometimes! Well, at around 5, I gave in to a "Mini-Binge": about 5 break off squares of chocolate chip cookie dough with about a cup of triple chocolate ice cream! OMFG, it was SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!!!!! It was like heaven in my mouth (That's What She Said!). But, of course, once I realized what I had done and how many calories I had just consumed and how I ruined whatever benefits from Hot Yoga I would have gotten, I promptly went to the bathroom and purged everything. Luckily, ice cream is one of the easiest foods to purge and one of my favorite binge foods for that reason. Still, it took me about 20 minutes to get everything out, and with being sick, I felt extremely light-headed and dizzy when I was done. That was about 3 hours ago now, and all I've ingested since then is 4oz of water with my medicine.
   I'm not really looking forward to weighing myself and taking pictures tomorrow, as I'm worried I haven't lost much weight in spite of how hard I've been working. Not to be TMI, but I've also haven't been able to go to the bathroom in nearly 3 days now-so even though I've been burning more calories than I've been eating, I feel all backed up and bloated. My period finally ended, thank god, but I'm thinking I might have to take some laxatives or something tonight before getting on that scale tomorrow!
   Well, I'm falling asleep typing this-I think its all the cold medicine. Until tomorrow!

LM

What do you know? I'm capable having a great day!

   Yes, as it turns out, not everyday has to be filled with guilt, shame, and despair over what I have eaten, binged on, or purged! I began the day by waking up much earlier than I usually do, around 6:15am, because I wanted to use my community pool for doing laps before anyone else would be there. It definitely worked, as I was the only one crazy enough to be there that early, and had the whole pool to myself. Well, because it was so gorgeous out, and no one was there, I decided that instead of just swimming, I would add in some poolside Yoga. Now, I've done yoga a bunch of times, but nowhere near enough to have any kind of routine memorized. Luckily, though, I have an iPhone-and by god, there's a fucking app for that!
   For anyone else with an iPhone or iTouch-there is an app called "Lose the Belly" which is FREE and totally amazing and worth the download. All it basically is is a series of youtube videos for stomach and weight loss exercises that have been all grouped and compiled into one easy location. There was one called "Yoga for Weight Loss," and it was really basic and easy, and you just repeated the series six times. So that is what I did! It felt really great, and actually helped with my lower back a bit and relieved some pressure I had been feeling in my spine. I thought I'd snap a poolside pic of me on my makeshift Yoga Mat (aka Towel).
   After my little Yoga/stretch session, I was good and hot, and the sun had started to come out and I was definitely ready for cooling down in the pool. I had initially thought I would do a half hour, but hadn't anticipated doing Yoga for an hour first, so once I started doing laps I got tired pretty fast. I only ended up really swimming for about 15 minutes, but I was EXHAUSTED and more than OK with that. After the laps, I thought my muscles would appreciate a soothing dip in the hot tub, so I went in for about 10 minutes. It really did feel amazing, I put the jets right on my lower back and then on my thigh muscles. Once I was finally finished at the pool/hot tub, I went back to my place and made breakfast: 6 slices grapefruit, ~45 cal 1/2 cup egg whites, 50 cal Total: ~95 calories. And, believe it or not, it was more than enough! I had it with some iced green tea, which is 0 cal. Right after breakfast I did my ridiculously hilarious 6 minute Shake Weight video, which took...6 minutes. I love that shit. 

   Then I had some work to do, so I pretty much worked on my laptop until around noon, when I decided that it was the prefect time to go do the rest of my exercise for the day in a local park around the corner. I could not believe my luck when I got there...literally EMPTY! An ENTIRE park all to myself! I had kind of been worried I wouldn't be able to find a spot with enough room for me to jump rope and enough privacy to not be self conscious about my ab work, expecting there to be kids, or sports or something. Nope. No one. WIN! Took a pic of my private park...I ended up setting up camp on the basketball court since I figured the jump-rope probably wouldn't be so great in the grass. 
   I know that I wrote that I would be doing 10 minutes ab/10 minutes jump rope, but I quickly discovered that 10 straight minutes of jumping rope is about 5 minutes too long. So instead, I made an executive decision to alternate every 5 minutes instead, which worked out MUCH better. So I did 5 minutes of abs and 5 minutes of jump rope back to back for about 45 minutes. It was intense, but I felt really great afterwards! It was so nice out that I even managed to get a tan while I exercised, which was nice! Although, it probably would have been better if I weren't in gym shorts and a tank top-but whatever. 
   After the park workout I went home and made lunch. I had: 1 reduced fat cheese stick, 50 cal; 7 baby carrots,17.5 cal; 2 tblsp fat free ranch, 30 cal; crystal lite, 5 cal for a meal total of 102.5cal and bringing me to 197.5 for the whole day. And you know what? I wasn't hungry for anything else! I don't know if it is the working out, but just the thought of eating more meant putting more calories in me that could offset all the hard work I'd been doing, and that was enough to make me not want anything. After lunch I was pretty exhausted, and knew that I wasn't going to be exercising anymore for the day. But I did have more work to do, and it was still so beautiful out, that I decided to take my laptop down to the pool so I could work and get some more sun at the same time. It was really nice...the only thing that I could have done without was a call from my brother while I was working by the pool. My brother and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye on much, and he can keep me on the phone for HOURS just arguing and going on about things we will NEVER agree on. That kind of took about 45 minutes away from my work and enjoying the weather, but once I was finally able to end it by claiming my phone was about to die, all was good again. 
   Well, I actually have a date tonight...I know, weird. I'm kind of nervous about it because I'm not actually very interested, but at the same time I feel like I can't just be turning down the only person that's asking me out, you know? We are supposed to meet for drinks around 9, so instead of eating dinner I'm going to save my calories for a vodka and club soda or two! Wish me luck...

Diet and Exercise: Options and Plans

   I mentioned in my last post that I had sat down and made a diet and exercise plan. Well, I wasn't lying-I really did. The exercise side of it is much more of a "plan" in the traditional sense of the word, while the diet side of more of a list of interchangeable options. While I'm losing weight, I'll be eating from the following list of items:

Breakfast Options

Fiber One Yogurt-50cal/per serving size

Light Vanilla Soy Milk-80cal/per cup

Egg whites-25 cal/per 1/4 cup

Luna Bar- 180cal

Oatmeal (Coach's Oats Brand)-160cal/serving size (1/3 cup, dry)

*Grapefruit-~50cal/per 1/2 grapefruit 

*Watermelon (Slices)- 36cal/per cup

*Blueberries-~35cal/per 1/2 cup

*Raspberries-10cal/per 10 raspberries

*Strawberries-5cal/per 1 Large Strawberry

Lunch and Dinner Options

*Carrots (Baby)-35cal/per 14 carrots

*Brocolli (Steamed)-44cal/per 5oz or 142g

Light String Cheese (Sargento) -50cal/per piece

Babybel Light (Laughing Cow Brand)-50cal/per piece

*Lettuce (Iceberg)-10cal/per cup

*Lettuce (Romaine)- 8cal/per cup

*Cucumbers- 45cal/per WHOLE medium size cucumber

Pickles (Mt. Olive Kosher Dill Spears)-~5cal/per spear

Matzo (Yehuda Brand)-125cal/per full square (I break them and only eat 1/4 at a time)

Condiment/Fixings Options

Salsa (Newman's Own Black Bean and Corn)-10cal/per tablespoon

Fat Free Ranch (Hidden Valley)- 15cal/per tablespoon

Fat Free Italian (Wish-Bone)-7.5cal/per tablespoon

Mustard (Plochman's Mild Yellow)-0cal

Banana Peppers (Mt. Olive Mild)-10cal/per 20 rings

Sicilian Pitted Olives (Lindsay)- 10cal/per olive

Taco Bell Hot Restauran Sauce- 0cal

Salad Spritzers (Wishbone)- 1cal/per spray

Beverage Options

Crystal Lite- 5cal/per 8oz

Coffee (Cafe Bustello, Black)-2cal/per 80z

Green Tea (Bigelow, with Lemon)-0cal

Water-0cal

*Denotes Negative Calorie Foods

   Most of the foods probably sound familiar from my second post with a few changes and substitutions. Basically, I have all of those options to work with and switch around and throw together for all of my meals. I know that when you look at it, it probably doesn't seem like a lot, however, you would be surprised at how many meals you can make out of those ingredients! I think in either my next post or the one after I'll post a few great low-cal recipes that are some of my favorites. 

   As for my exercising, I'm doing some things a little differently. Usually, I pretty much do the same thing every single day, which is some combination of treadmill, yoga, pilates, free weights, and ab work. HOWEVER, I have decided to try switching things up a bit and alternate exercises on different days, while also incorporating some new equipment. Speaking of new equipment, I have to tell you what the fuck I bought the other day. Prepare yourselves mentally for this one, guys. Are you ready?

I BOUGHT A MOTHER-LOVING SHAKE WEIGHT!!!!!!!! 

  Yes, THAT Shake Weight. Laugh it up, but I've used it two days in a row now, and you can really feel that shit! I may have been converted into a Shake Weight believer! It comes with this video that you can do the exercises along with, and its supposed to be 6 minutes a day, but I've been doing it once in the morning and once at night for a total of 12 WHOLE MINUTES! Haha, we'll see how toned my arms get!
   In addition to the Shake Weight, I also bought a jump rope and will be doing Hot Yoga once a week. So, here is the schedule:

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays: 

1. Jump rope in the park, 30 minutes (10 minute intervals) 

2. Ab Work, 30 minutes (10 minute intervals) 

Tuesdays and Thursdays:

1. Treadmill, 45 minutes (alternating between 10 and 15% incline and 3 and 4mph)

2. Weights, 45 minutes (2 and 5 lb hand weights, and leg machine @ 45lb resistance)

Saturday:

Walk in park, 45 minutes

Sunday:

Hot yoga, 100 minutes

Everyday:

1. Shake Weight, 12 minutes

2. Swimming, moderate, 30 minutes

   So far, I've magically managed to stick to everything-although it has only been two days! I'll be sure to keep you guys updated, including if I have any slip-ups or binges. OH, I almost forgot! I made a Twitter account! Follow me at: http://twitter.com/FreeFromFood ! 

LM

Well, I did it!

   That's right, I actually went through with my colon hydrotherapy appointment yesterday morning! It was pretty weird at first, and I was definitely very nervous and even a little embarrassed in the beginning. I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to go through with it...ESPECIALLY when I saw the tube thing that was supposedly going in me!!

   Well, as it turns out, the tube really only goes in no more than an inch-and it is very very small in diameter, even smaller than a finger. I'm not sure how much of a comfort that sounds like to anyone who has literally NEVER had ANYTHING in that, ah hem, region...but it truly is not difficult to handle, and actually not even uncomfortable. There is an initial sense of discomfort, however, it is much more mental than physical. I think that the fact that I have done small, at-home enemas in the past may have made the process a little easier-just because I learned a while ago that the best approach, so to speak, really is to relax. 

   With all that being said, I'm sure that the only thing anyone actually wants to hear about is the result! Unfortunately, at the end of the 45-minute session, I didn't lose any weight at all. In spite of this, I somehow felt much lighter, and also much healthier. I'm not really sure how to explain the feeling, because don't get me wrong-I was VERY disappointed about the lack of tangible weight loss-and yet, I really did feel internally as though I were 5 lbs lighter. Without getting too gross, plenty of *stuff* came out during the session, and I think that although whatever came out may not of weighed very much, it had probably been taking up a lot of space inside of me! Just having it out felt really good, and actually, it helped lessen some of my cramping and lower back pain that I had been experiencing from my period. 

   I spoke to the "colon hydrotherapist" afterwards about all of this, and asked if it was normal for someone to experience no actual weight loss. She explained that while most people do experience at least some weight loss with their first session, it is not unheard of for someone not to. She then asked me if I had ever done an enema before, or a cleanse, and also asked about my diet. Obviously, I wasn't going to admit that I was bulimic-but I explained that I am a vegetarian, that I add fiber supplements to a lot of food, that I take Miralax daily, and that I have done simple home enemas before. She said that all of that explained why I hadn't experience the same results as most first-time clients. 

   Basically, she explained that most people have never and will never do any kind of colon cleanse or home enema unless it is doctor prescribed before a surgery (like a colonoscopy). Additionally, most people are not vegetarians, and do not get enough fiber in their diets. Combine those factors with the typical American diet that is high in trans fat, preservatives, chemicals, etc-and she said most people have a LOT of CRAP (haha, figuratively and literally) and toxins to get out of their system. Because I've been a vegetarian for close to 6 years now, and do try to keep my digestive system relatively regular with the aid of supplements and gentle laxatives, she said that the majority of my toxins and waste is probably much more impacted and deeper than what is removed in the first session. 

   With all that being said, I still don't know how much of that is total BS and how much of it is true. I did a lot of research before getting the procedure, and I've done some after regarding her explanation to see if it has any merit. While I've found some evidence that she was being truthful, a lot of it comes from other websites promoting colonics, which makes me question their credibility or whether they are all in on this scheme to convince people to pay up to $150 per session for 6 sessions by telling people that more will come out in the next session. Luckily, the place I had it done at is $75 per session-however that is still not cheap! 

   In evaluating my experience, I decided to book a second session. I figure, for one more session, I can see if she was BSing me or not about how the results would be better if I did it again AND worst case scenario, I still don't lose any weight-but I still feel better again. My next appointment is for June 2, as I'll be out of town next week and didn't really know about the safety issues in having two in the same week. I also tried to take some pictures, but they aren't very good quality as they were just with my phone!

   So this one I took while I was laying in the bed/basin thing...I actually don't really know what to call it. These are my legs under the blanket. I probably should have explained somewhere that there are two kinds of colonics, "closed" and "open." I had an "open" one. I'm not sure how to explain the difference without getting really graphic and gross-so I'll do my best and just hope that we are all adults! Plus, If you're still reading, then you probably aren't that bothered, right? So, a "closed" system involves a slightly bigger tube going slightly further in, and it basically blasts water inside of you and then vacuums or sucks everything out, and repeats. In an "open" system, its just the little thin tube that only goes in an inch, and nothing sucks anything out, it is allowed to just come out naturally. So when you look at that picture, the sheet is covering my bottom half which is basically on a big toilet. I don't know how else to say that...so the water goes in you, and you just release when you feel the urge, it is just constantly flushed away underneath you. 

   This picture is of the tube that you can watch everything come out of, if you so choose. In the beginning it was really intriguing and I was watching, but after a few minutes I decided to just lay back, relax, and not strain my neck trying to see everything. It's so strange how something can be both disgusting and fascinating at the same time! I never thought that this would be something I would even DO, let alone DO and WATCH...but its funny how our own bodies amaze us. As you can see, nothing was really coming out when I took this one. 

   Here you can see that I didn't lose any weight. They have a scale in every room for you to weight yourself before and after, which leads me to think that the woman was probably being honest about most people experiencing more dramatic results-because I don't think they would encourage you to measure it before and after RIGHT THERE unless they were relatively confident that you would be pleased. Anyway, as you can see, it is smack dab on 110, exactly what it was when I went to bed the night before.  

   And that about wraps up my post on my colon hydrotherapy experience! I meant to post this yesterday, but didn't have time to load the pictures from my phone until late last night-so I figured I may as well wait until this morning at that point! Today I am going back to my exercise and work-out schedule for the first time, and I spent about an hour earlier writing out a weekly diet and exercise "plan." It's kind of just a guide right now, but once I've fine-tuned it I'll post it! Have a great day everyone, and stay strong!

LM

You must promise not to laugh...

OK.
   Since it had been so long since I had been able to write, and now that I am back and re-devoted to my weight loss goals more than ever, I decided to go back and read all my previous posts to remind myself where I was at right before my Dad went in the hospital. Well, I realized that my last post had been shortly after I returned from my trip to Wisconsin, and when I had left my camera battery there AND had the batteries in my scale die! I had promised to start posting some pictures once I got both of those integral pieces of equipment up and running, so, I have dutifully taken some photographs.

   Of course, I got my period this morning-so on top of my debilitating cramps and lower back pain, I've also been the lucky winner of TWO-COUNT 'EM-TWO extra pounds of bloated grossness. Perfect timing for picture taking. {Note my sarcasm} Anyway, I'm not going to let that cause me to go back on my promise-so I'm still posting the pics, which means my devotion to this cause can NEVER be questioned, lol. Try not to gag, whether at my body or my ridiculously messy bathroom.


Here is a front view. As you can no doubt see, I carry most of my weight in the stomach, hip, and thigh areas. I have a pretty small upper body and (tragically) only wear an A-cup. I would also like to have a moment of silence for my mis-matched bra and panty combo. NOTE: This is what happens when you aren't getting any action.

And how could my humiliation be complete without a side view? I'm just kidding...I mean, not entirely, but I am voluntarily posting these in the hopes that having them public will help in my motivation to lose the extra weight I've gained. The plan is to post new pics once a week here. They will be on Mondays, today's is the exception as it is the first one and I didn't want to wait another week. Hopefully we'll be able to start seeing a difference soon!

Sorry for the bad lighting and flash on this one-not that it hinders reading those dreaded fucking numbers! Here I was thinking I had only gained 4-5lbs...well, thanks to everyone's favorite monthly visitor, lets make that 6-7lbs. Oh yes. 108 to 110 overnight. Thanks, bloating. FML.
   I actually took about a 45 minute break today and wrote out a ridiculously long post explaining what my plan for losing weight is the next month, with what I'll be doing the same and what I'll be changing around. However, it really is absurdly and unnecessarily long, especially since I realized that a lot of it I'm repeating things I said in my first or second post regarding certain foods and products. Thus, in order to respect both your time and mine, I'm instead just going to briefly write about only the things I am trying/doing that are different. 
   The biggest thing that I'm doing that I have never tried before is Hot Yoga. Also known as Bikram Yoga, I've done it about 4 times before, but always sporadically and never as a part of my regular diet and exercise routine. I found a local studio that has 10 classes for $100, which I thought was pretty fair. I'm thinking that I'll go twice a week for 5 weeks and see how I feel about it. In conjunction with my mostly negative-calorie diet and cardio exercises, I'm hoping this addition will really boost my weight loss.
   Next, I'm trying to add more fiber to my diet without a ton of calories in order to lessen water weight, constipation, and bloating which always seem to become problems for me at some point when I'm living on under 500 cal/per day and exercising 2+ hours. I'm doing this both with fiber supplements added to beverages and ground flax seeds that I can sprinkle into anything (yogurt, cereal, oatmeal...)
   In the same sort of "digestive health" vein, I'm also exploring some products and services that claim to promote colon cleansing and detoxifying. I kind of mentioned colon hydrotherapy in my last post, and my appointment is tomorrow morning at 9am. I'm a little anxious about it, but at the same time extremely intrigued. If it gets too weird or uncomfortable, I may not go through with it-but I am certainly going to make a good-faith effort. Additionally, I bought a product called "Colon Cleanse" (clever, eh?) that is basically pure psyllium husk (parts of a seed from a Middle Eastern plant that aids in digestion) which you mix into 8oz of liquid.
   Anyway, I'm sure that tomorrow's post will be very interesting. Any readers ever tried colon hydrotherapy? I'm going to see if they let me take pictures or anything. Maybe they'll even let me just sit with my laptop and blog, lol! Until tomorrow ~

LM