Friday, May 27, 2011

Slightly better...

OK, couldn't get my old background to work for the effin life of me...but I did get another one to work. I'm going to leave it alone and let it grow on me. If I don't like it anymore by tomorrow I'll try again. Le sigh.



PS- If anyone can tell wtf is wrong with my background, template, design, etc...please let me know! I've been trying for the past two hours to fix it and I'm ready to PULL MY HAIR OUT! I use the "At the Cottage" background from ShabbyBlogs, and I already went and re-copied the new, updated code. It's just all do I get all the solid white to go away? Or make my sidebar images not be like a mile and a half apart from each other? This is gunna drive me nuts!



Well hey there!
    I spent most of yesterday recovering from my epic birthday night, in alternating states of hydrating and sleeping with a single outdoor excursion to my therapist's office. I'm finally pretty much back to normal and WIDE AWAKE, so I thought I may as well do something productive and pick up the bliz-og. It's gunna take a little bit to get back into writing again, but I'm already happy that it's back in my life.
   My friends took me to a STRIP CLUB for my birthday! Ohmygosh it was epic. I had somehow managed to go my entire life (well, I guess since I turned 18) without ever having been to a strip club, and it never bothered me, to be honest. I thought they were probably sketchy as fuck and since I'm a flaming liberal feminist at heart, I've also thought of them as degrading to women. So I had mixed reactions when that turned out to be my surprise...but guess what? This sister can admit when she's wrong-shit was off the chain. Thought I'd died and went to heaven! Even sprung for a private lap dance, which was also awe-some.
   Of course, the hardest thing about birthdays (for me, anyway) is balancing the desire to have fun and celebrate with staying in the parameters of what is acceptable food and alcohol consumption. Now, what I deem to be acceptable food and alcohol consumption may different from your definition, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that anyone reading this blog's definition is probably different from the average person's. But everyone knows what it's like to overindulge, and most people can empathize with the guilt that can come along with that.
   As I touched on in my last post, I've almost entirely eliminated binging and purging from my life, which is something that I never thought I'd be able to say in a million years. As my therapist constantly reminds me, I am still bulimic, but have shifted from SIV to over-exercising as a form of purging. I know that he's right, but I honestly feel so much healthier and better without all the vomiting. I was always sick, my throat always hurt, I felt like I always smelled like throw up, and I spent a really disproportional amount of my waking hours bent over a toilet. All that and I was still never happy with my weight, I was always hungry or thinking about food or anticipating my next binge.
  I don't really "binge" anymore like I used to, where I'd just eat and eat and eat with the sole intention of purging afterward. I sort of just eat the same thing every day, which is boring. However, boring = predictable, and I like knowing how many calories I'm going to have that day, how many grams of fiber, how many grams of protein, etc. It keeps me sane and not running for the junk food isle at Walgreens at 2am. Of course, sometimes I allow something different for special occasions, like my birthday, in which case I try not to super stress and just eat whatever because it's my birthday-just let myself eat a little more than normal.
   Like, normally for my birthday dinner I would just lose my shit. I'd think "it's my birthday, I can eat what I want" and then 4 bites into some ridiculous fried appetizer I've already decided I've had too much fat or carbs and that I'm finding a bathroom and purging the whole meal as soon as its over. And that's before the entree or dessert. And suddenly your birthday isn't that fun when you're over a toilet thinking WHY WHY WHY DID I EAT THAT?!?!
   This year I took a new approach, which was to stay within the limits of what I would consider acceptable or normal on any other day, but then let myself enjoy a bite or two of an appetizer I might not usually get and a dessert. Sharing is caring!! Sharing saves my life!! I really wanted to try the parmesan spinach dip, but that's something I would normally steer clear of because of all the fat and grease. So, we ordered it (and fuck yes it was covered in grease), and because there were three of us and I still had an entree coming, I was able to just have about 3 bites without feeling guilty or wasteful because my parents each had some, too.
  For my entree I just got a salad, which was made of spinach leaves and arugula instead of lettuce, and it had a goat cheese medallion on top with some walnuts and some kind of lemon-butter dressing. Now here, the salad was pretty much OK except for the huge hunk of goat cheese (which is my favorite cheese and oh-so-delicious) and the dressing. Walnuts have a high fat content too, actually, but there were like 5 halves, they weren't worrying me too much. So the cheese is what I wanted the most, but also what was prob the worst, so I immediately cut the medallion in half and set one half on the spinach dip so that it would get taken away. Then I asked for balsamic vinegar to use instead of whatever they gave me (balsamic vinegar = 0 cal), and now I felt fine about enjoying every bite of that half-medallion of goat cheese.
   Dessert is the worst, but I really believe that some pre-planning and sharing make all the difference. Oh, ya. I forgot about the pre-planning. Unless the meal out is truly spontaneous for some reason, you can usually look up the menu beforehand for anywhere you're going to end up for a special occasion, and then budget accordingly. This particular restaurant was famous for it's "unique" desserts, like fried brownie wontons and cheesecake spring rolls. Ya, you read that correctly. What I actually wanted was the fried brownie wontons, and I wanted to eat all three of them by myself. But, I know where that road I compromised and got the cheesecake spring rolls (still totally decadent and ridiculous, but a lot less than the brownie wontons). There were two cheesecake spring rolls, and what I like to do is serve others first so that it both seems like you are being polite but you can only leave yourself the amount you want to eat. This works better for me than everyone just eating with their fork out of the main dish, because you might still end up eating more than you meant to. So, I just cut it all up and gave each of my parents a bigger portion than I left myself, and then I got to enjoy the best 3 bites EVER. Seriously, it was so fucking good it shouldn't be legal.
    OK, that's all for now. Just wanted to share my big birthday meal, how I dealt with it without purging, and my strip-club extravaganza. Hopefully some of the tips can be useful to others, even though I know they seem obvious. I've actually read about 3 books about diet and nutrition during my little break, and they've really helped me a lot with how I approach weight loss/fat loss. When I next get the chance I'm gunna go in and change all my numbers, since they are mad old. Also, I can't wait to do a post about workouts/exercise/supplements. Til next time!