Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Triathlon is now a Duathlon, and I'm kind of a fuck up

    So, I was training at the gym last Friday and fucked up my shoulder. When I got home from working out, it was killing me, but I thought it was just normal soreness. I had spent an hour doing the breast stroke, so I figured I just over-exerted a bit and took some tylenol.
   Well, it wasn't getting any better, so I thought (like a dumbass) that maybe I just needed to try cracking it and stretching it out. Ya, that made it about 1,000x worse. So THEN I managed to continue my stupidity by thinking that a massage might help, so I used my certificate for a free massage that I had got at the last 5k I ran. Holy shit I've never had a more painful massage in my life!!! Had to make them stop after 15 minutes, went home and was almost in tears from the pain. I decided to go to Urgent Care,  where they told me my shoulder was dislocated and sent me to the ER.
    At the ER, they took more x-rays and determined that my shoulder was not, in fact, dislocated. I initially thought this was good news, but as it turns out what I actually have is a torn rotator cuff, which is apparently much worse. Arm's in a sling and I have to see an Ortho now to determine if it will heal on its own or needs surgery. Which means I can kiss the Triathlon goodbye, since there's no way my shoulder will heal in time to do a 1/4 mile swim by July 17th.
   The GOOD NEWS, is that the Triathlon I registered for also has a Duathlon division, where you just do biking and running. While the swimmers are doing the swim, the Duathlon competitors do a run. So it goes run-bike-run instead of swim-bike-run. Sucks I won't be able to get my first Tri under my belt, but I'm happy that I don't have to give the race up all together-especially since I've spent close to 1G on it now between the registration fees and the equipment.
   So that's the Triathlon news. In other news I had a bit of a nervous breakdown last Wednesday and binged and purged for the first time in over a month, and cut myself for the first time in about 6 months. Not gunna go into all the details, but let's just say my moving out of here to NY can't come fast enough. I talked to my therapist about it, and he said that I have to work on being able to express my frustration and anger outwardly to those I am frustrated and angry with rather than inwardly toward myself with self-destruction. My response: DUH! Story of my fucking life.
   Anyway, since the rotator cuff injury on Friday I haven't been able to work out, since there's not much I can do with my arm in a sling. This has been giving me a ton of anxiety, since I was exercising 3-4 hours a day. It was the only thing that gave me peace of mind, and made me feel ok about eating healthy meals. I mean, ya, they were still really low-cal, but they were meals and they were consistent.
   I've felt so gross and bloated without the workouts, so I've cut back on food a lot. I'm pretty much not eating anything but steamed broccoli, prunes, fiber one yogurt and bran cereal right now, and drinking water, green tea, and grapefruit juice laced with Epsom salt. It's sort of my take on a cleanse. I know when most people do cleanses they do only clear liquids and no solid foods, but I've found cleanses to be more effective when combined with some solid foods that are packed with fiber. And Epsom salt is a natural laxative, but doesn't taste too awesome, so it's best mixed with juice to cover the taste. Just no juices from concentrate or with added sugar or corn cyrup. All organic 100% grapefruit juice. Raspberies are packed with fiber too, but I don't really like eating them by themselves. I've been trying to throw a couple in the yogurt or cereal or put them in the blender with the grapefruit juice, but I don't always remember.
   I'm thinking this will pretty much be my diet until I can workout again, since I'm def not comfortable with the meals if I'm not burning it off. Luckily I'm still sort of on track, down to 103lbs. Although if I'd been working out for the past 3 days I know it could have been lower. Ugh. FML. Just want to get back under 100, that would make my life.
   OK well here's the scale shot for today:
Could be better, but could also be worse. Here's hoping for a better week! BTW, if anyone still reads this you can follow me on twitter at @FreeFromFood. I tweet like a zillion times a day, it's so much easier and quicker than sitting down and writing blog entries. I'm actually considering starting to use the blog primarily for diet tips, low-cal recipes, best foods and drinks for losing weight, etc. I ironically have a lot of nutritional, fitness, and dietician background, and always hear fellow ED girls talking about what they are doing, and a lot of it is flat-out misconceptions that only hurt in the long run. But you know the old saying "Do as I say, not as I do." Ya, it's always the ones that know the most about what's right that do the most wrong to their bodies! Exhibit A: Me. lol Whatever, I'll tweet whenever I post a good recipe or tip.